anniversary

Today is my wedding anniversary, and I am divorced. I'm having a rough time today because I don't know what to do.

My wedding anniversary was a day for big fuss-making. One year we went to China, one year we flew in a hot air balloon, one year we went to a B&B and watched the Perseid meteor shower.

This day of celebrating and joy has turned into one of deep sadness. I miss him. I miss us. And I can't go back. We're both doing the best we can do. We're both trying to be the best that we can be. There were so many happy, wonderful days. We were a good team, and we did a lot of good things together.

I'm trying to do my work--to work on me. I am divorced.

I am filled with gratitude for the life I had with him for 10 years, for the marriage that would have turned 8 today. I am filled with sadness for today I learned that the Rabbi that married us, the Rabbi that I remember with awe from my childhood, the Rabbi that was present at my Bat Mitzvah has died. I am filled with gratitude and joy and sadness for me, for Michael, and for the family of Rabbi Grollman. For having been present in each others lives, and for the impermanence that is.