don't put me in a (gender) box

I went on a date yesterday. I went on a date with a man who has been persistent in asking me out over the last year and a half, and I kept saying "no". He seems quirky and funny and clever and geeky, all things that I'm drawn to, for sure. And he's older. Much older. 20 years older. And finally last week, I gave in, said to myself "what the heck", and replied to him "yes".

And I went on my first date in a very, very long time. And I went on my first motorcycle ride ever. I had a helmet, borrowed from a friend, and a borrowed leather jacket. And strangely, after the first half-block, no fear. I was very aware the entire time that being on a motorcycle is a very dangerous thing. It feels much more dangerous than riding in a car because there is nothing between me and the side of the road except some thin layers of cloth and plastic and leather. And I had a marvelous time being very aware of my little human life zipping around and looking at the mountains and the clouds and the trees.

We stopped in a little mountain town, had some food and got to talk some. He asked me lots of questions about me, and I discovered that I'm a very fascinating person. I really like me. I think I'm really cool. I do. I'm not being giant-ego girl about this, but I realized that I really love myself. A lot. I haven't had such clarity about that in a long time. Yay for me!

It was interesting to notice how much this guy was projecting his ideas of me all over me. He had so many assumptions about me without really knowing, lots of things he thought were true about me without ever really talking to me before to know if these things were true or not. At one point he started talking about how "feminine" I am, and I had to stop him, and the words that tumbled out were "I don't think of myself as feminine because I walk between worlds". Oh the things that pop out of my mouth sometimes...really.

Maybe I don't really walk between worlds, but I don't necessarily stick to traditional American gender roles, either. Sure I like to cook, and I knit, but for me those are some of the few art forms that I excel in--they don't necessarily have to be feminine things. I also like math and science and dirt and building things and dinosaurs--they don't necessarily have to be masculine things. I know how to dress the part of feminine, and sometimes I like it, and sometimes I don't. Just because I'm petite and I have curves and I'm "quiet and polite" doesn't mean that I can or should be put in a gender box.

And mr. motorcycle dude, well, he's fine. He's got his ideas about me, and I have mine. Overall I had a fun time; I tried something new; I learned more about me. Will there be another date with mr. motorcycle? I don't think so...I'd much rather spend out-of-the-box time with me.