Introducing Cricket

Oh my. Blogging. After all this time. Funny to look at the last post and see it was a summary of the year. So much has happened. Not long after that post I started feeling funny, strange, different. I eventually figured out that I was pregnant. And now, I'm a mom.

Cricket was born on March 4. She's amazing and perfect and wonderful and beautiful and smart and talented and the most incredible gift.

Part 1:
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Dear Cricket,

I never knew how much I could love, how big my heart could hold. I loved you while you grew inside me. I loved being pregnant with you--loved knowing I was feeding you and taking care of you and keeping you safe. I loved to feel you bouncing around, headbutting and punching my abdomen and sticking your butt out just below my sternum. You were head-down for most of the pregnancy, I think. I identified your butt below my sternum and loved feeling your roundness and your limbs and imagined what you might be like when you were on the outside.

I was certain that you'd arrive well after your March 14 due date. I was more than certain, I was *planning* on it.

March 3 was a day like any other. I went to work. I had a meeting with my Chair and my maternity replacement-in-training from 4 to 5 that went a few minutes long. My Chair's husband came by toward the end of the meeting and asked how I was doing and I said (honestly) that I was feeling really good and that your arrival was clearly not coming soon. I left work and went to my prenatal yoga class. In class each week the instructor asked us how many weeks we were. I had started the class when I was 30 weeks and I signed up for the second 5-week session at 35 weeks. The other women who were as far as I was had not signed up for the 2nd session. On March 3 when I said "38 weeks" the others in the class all cheered. At the end of class, the teacher said she thought that maybe you had dropped. I didn't think so...I didn't feel different. But on the drive home, I felt a little...off. A little crampy or sore. Maybe I pushed too hard in class? Maybe?

I came home and Aaron had made dinner, an experiment in Matter Paneer. His first time making cheese. His first cheese for me and for us. During dinner I was feeling crampy, but in waves or pulses. I let Aaron know and decided to pack up the hospital bag just in case, but was pretty sure it was just too early.The cramps were continuing during the evening, but were so mild and inconsistent. Somewhere around 10pm I had the beginning of "bloody show" and was then convinced that I was in labor. Starting around 11pm when I tried to go to bed, the contractions were no longer vague, but distinct and 15-20 minutes apart. They didn't hurt, but were uncomfortable enough that I wasn't able to sleep through them so I got little mini naps between contractions for a few hours. They got closer together and around 4 or 4:30am I started trying to track them. Around 6am I was certain that they had been 5 minutes apart for at least an hour and so I called my doctor. He advised that since I was trying to have as natural a birth as possible to stay home until the contractions were 2 minutes apart. Aaron woke up around 7am and I let him know what was going on. Around 8 or 8:30am we called the doctor's office to find out if we should go to the office or to the Birth Place at the hospital. They told us to come to the office and I was checked by one of the nurse midwives in the office and was 2-3cm dilated. From there we walked to the other side of the hospital and went to triage at the Birth Place.

We were in triage for a while, but when I was checked, I was 3-4cm dilated and contractions were steady at 2 minutes apart. I got checked into a room and spent the next many hours on my feet, hips swaying or laying in the jacuzzi tub in the room. I was avoiding sitting or laying in the bed as much as possible. I had invited a few of my friends to come and be with me: Fern, Dolly & Adam, John, Jess. In the evening your Aunt Alexis, Uncle Vincent, and cousins Toni & Mia arrived. Alexis stayed in the room and Vince stayed with the girls in the waiting room. Late in the afternoon/evening I was getting tired...I hadn't eaten much, I hadn't slept much, and my contractions were slowing down. After being offered/encouraged a few times to consider having the doctor come to break my water I finally decided to say yes since I knew there would be hours ahead. I also agreed to have IV fluids. The doctor came at about 6:30pm and after my water broke, I spent the next several hours in bed--standing at the squat bar pushing. Looking back at the records from the hospital, I only spent about an hour at the end laying down while pushing. Labor was uncomfortable, there was a lot of pressure in my body and that surprised me. I "vocalized" but I didn't scream--there wasn't crazy pain to scream about. Aaron was amazing...any time I started to feel lost, like I couldn't keep going, like I was too tired, I was able to look in his eyes and focus and keep pushing. I wanted to see you, Cricket. I wanted you and Aaron and I to be together at last after all the months. And finally, at 10:58pm, more than 24 hours after labor started, you were born. 7 pounds, 2 ounces and 20" long. You were tiny. And I loved you so much.

My pregnancy with you was so much easier than I could have ever hoped. My labor and delivery was what I wanted for me and for you--a beautiful, positive experience. It was the kind of hard work that for most of it, doesn't feel like work. The exhaustion and pain I felt during the first few weeks of recovery let me know how much work I did to birth you. You were worth the effort.

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