The Infiltration Begins

Today was an interesting work day. It started out with a 3rd botched attempt at at a phone interview of a student-applicant who is overseas at 8:30am. Maybe the universe is trying to tell us something. After trying to troubleshoot for 45min, I gave up and headed out to an all-day committee meeting. This particular meeting was a 'retreat' with a guest speaker who was in to work with the group on how to work with challenges we face at work. I got re-introduced to some techniques I've seen before, and that was interesting, but the golden nuggets I walked away with were things that were likely not intentional lessons.

The valuable bits for me:

Finding a way to distinguish between annoyances and challenges. This was a statement made by another participant, and really put some really good language on what I've been struggling with the last few months at work. I haven't been feeling challenged, I haven't been learning new things, and for a few months I haven't pushed myself in new directions or to take on new tasks. I know this is something I need to keep interested at work, and I have to take responsibility for making this happen. I've done it many times in my work career, and I didn't do it this semester. No wonder I've been starting to feel like things are stale.

Asking myself "What can I do?" and also "What am i NOT willing to do?" and getting really clear on these answers. Setting boundaries for myself at work. Constantly taking responsibility for my own happiness in every moment.

When asked the question "What helps bring you back into your body, and into the present moment?" I surprised myself with my response, which was "noticing my breath, and touch--one of the reasons I am constantly writing/typing is to get out of my head and into something physical by holding the pen on the page, touching the keyboard." And I would add that touch is also one of the reasons I love to garden, love to cook, love to knit--I feel more connected and congruent when I can put my hands in the dirt, touch the plants, the yarn, the ingredients.

The biggest inspiration came as one word: infiltrate. What can I do "under the radar" to have fun at work? How much fun can I have at work without getting noticed? This doesn't mean goofing off while on the clock, it means instead finding ways to connect with joy in my work. And as I sit here, I think I need to do this in my whole life, not just at work. I've been a giant mopeypuss for much of the last year--I think a lot of that has had to do with getting divorced, selling my animals, and (sigh) probably something biological having to do with being 30. I certainly haven't been sad for a whole year, and really the last few months have been hardest, but I can see that there are a lot of ways that I haven't extended myself at work like I have all the rest of my working life--I was there, and still doing a good job, but not doing an excellent job. I wasn't reaching out to students in a way that was above and beyond, I wasn't trying to connect with coworkers. That in trying to regroup and find internal resources, I cut myself off, and then felt uninspired. What a strange loop I got myself into--the more I retreated into myself, the more disconnected I felt, and more I retreated and didn't connect. Sigh. Hindsight. So it is time for me to infiltrate--to go in and start creating joy.