reset-o-rama

It is my birthday. Or, well, it was two days ago. I'm so out of practice writing that I kept thinking about it all the birthday day and wanted the birthday blog post to be just so perfect that I got all stuck and blockified and couldn't write.

And yesterday was the giant sugar hangover. Too much birthday sugar and other rich food resulted in a next-day sugar crash. A big, big crash. A sugar crash that felt like some kind of post-apocalyptic daze. But I somehow eventually crawled out of bed, put coffee in mouth, and got myself to the place where work is done and worked and worked and worked.

I'm tempted to write all about all the amazing things that happened on the birthday day. I'm tempted to write about the birthday fun that was had at the birthday party last night. I'm tempted to write about the year in review. I'm also considering writing about the plans for the year ahead. Since there are so many things, I'll do some highlights, perhaps.

A year in review:
In July of '08 I was a month into living alone for the first time ever. This was big and hard for a while. And then it slowly got easier as the months went by. It was a summer, and fall, and early winter of not dating, not being in romantic relationship, not seeking out that kind of human connection. It was a great big chunk of time where I was focusing on me. Figuring out what I wanted. So that when I was ready, I could try to find relationship that I wouldn't run from or blow up. In February I decided it was time, that I was ready. So I signed up for match-dot-com. And went on some first dates. I met a man that makes my heart say "whee!" and my head say "don't screw this one up". And we just moved in together :)

This last year was a time of trying new things and doing more of the things I like to do. There was a lot of making cheese. I took two pottery classes. I took a martial arts class in the spring. I knit some fuzzy leg warmers and kept knitting on the scarf I've been making for my sister. And the last year things at work were getting more interesting, too. I was taking on new projects at work: working with the President and senior VPs tracking the roll out of the strategic plan. I developed some computer training for my coworkers. I created a mailmerge for course scheduling that most departments are now using. I was an election judge in the November 2008 election. I got even more involved in my volunteer commitment and co-chaired a major fundraising event that involved a 2 day speaker/workshop, silent auction, cocktail reception, and book sale that met our attendance goal of 250 attendees. And In May, became President of the Board.

This last year I haven't traveled quite as much as I originally planned, I haven't written as much as I thought I would, I haven't hiked or cheesed, or knit, or many things as much as I thought, but I certainly did a lot.

The Birthday 2009 in review:
Birthday 2009 started with Aaron making me an insano sugar breakfast of a toast sandwich with creamcheese and cherries cooked in sugar syrup for the filling. And covered in powdered sugar. I opened gifts from my family and cards from family and friends. I went to a 4-hour meeting for the school and they had 4 kinds of sweet, fruity, breakfast crepes. And then I went on the Celestial Seasonings Tea tour with Aaron. And then dinner with Aaron. Dinner at Sunflower: Halibut in brown butter lemon caper sauce, coconut rice, grilled asparagus, Mixed Wild Mushrooms, and a spinach salad with sour cherries and hot brie croutons. Oh and the "breads and spreads" with 4 kinds of spreads and 3 kinds of breads. It was a food-coma inducing birthday, indeed.

Birthday 2009 part2 was a dinner/happy hour with 11 of my favorite people followed by going to see the new Harry Potter movie with 8 of these people. A multi-hour birthday fun fest of food and flix. :)

The Year Ahead:
For the year ahead, my goals are to write more, travel more, more hiking, more cheese, more learning new things, more cherishing the things I already do and love. There will perhaps be some more detailed thoughts, but I'm running out of steam and need some breakfast.

So the plan...keep living and doing and loving :)

just SOME blog

Oh my, is it the end of April all ready? What in the world has happened to me this month?!

I have been in a newish relationship and have been enjoying squeezing out little tiny bits of time to see my new boyfriend (swoons and giggles)

I spent 10 days house/cat sitting in a place with no internet access

I got sick and missed 4 days of work (2 of those days were a Saturday/Sunday)

I had work-related stuff to do every weekend this month (except the weekend I got sick)

I have been doing martial arts class on Tuesday nights, pottery on Wednesday nights, work on the weekends and most other evenings have had some other scheduled thingy or another

I have finally, FINALLY found renters for my house. These folks don't move in until June 1, but I've spent HOURS and hours and hours interfacing with potential tenants.

I am 2 weeks away from the end of the semester...and I'm loving being busy, and it is making me a little crazycakes, too.

Tonight I met up with my friend, Angelo, and we had milkshakes for dinner. We decided to embark on a new project for the summer. This will be the Summer Of Milkshake Evaluation (SOME). This milkshake evaluation project will get its own blog, "Just SOME Blog". There will be milkshake ratings and reviews, and we will find the best milkshakes in Boulder. Oh, yes!

pumpkin and pottery

This has been the week of pumpkins and pottery and planning, Oh MY!

After a month of working 50+ hour work weeks, I finally slowed down. We didn't have Monday off, so I took Wednesday as a day for me and my own sanity. Somehow, the idea of taking Wednesday off turned Tuesday night into a cooking frenzy night. I had a bit of a sniffle and skipped out on the martial arts class I was planning to attend. My friend is teaching it and he gave me plenty of teasing for wanting a night on the couch instead of a night of getting bopped in the forehead with his index finger.

I'm not even really sure how the cooking frenzy got initiated, but I suddenly found myself cutting open the 8 pound pumpkin that had been hanging out on the kitchen counter since October. The pumpkin that never got carved for Halloween, that never got carved for Christmas, Jess' birthday pumpkin that never was, the Happy 2009 Pumpkin that didn't, the Valentines Day Pumpkin that wasn't loved into a heart-shaped jack-o-lantern suddenly became meals and meals and meals. I roasted pumpkin seeds, I made my pumpkin-chickpea curry recipe, I made pumpkin nut bread, and I still have a lot of pumpkin hanging out in the fridge waiting to become pumpkin fritters and other culinary delights. Oh pumpkin, how I adore you, how you fill my belly.

Wednesday I met up with one of my new pottery friends and spent 3 hours in the pottery lab and it seems something has clicked into place and I made attractive pottery! I'm really excited and proud of the fact that I have finally made some pottery that looks like something other than a cross between a candy dish and an ashtray. There are photos here if you want to check it out and give me positive reinforcement by telling me how awesome I am since I've been doing this for only 6 weeks!

Oh and the planning! Next weekend is my big event. I'm the co-chair for a fundraiser event for the non-profit, independent high school where I volunteer. The event has a Friday night talk and a Saturday morning workshop. It is starting to feel less like volunteer and more like un-paid part-time job, but that's probably because there is still SO much to do! And I've got to update the school's website and email the volunteers and on and on. So much planning for this, but I'm glad it is happening and will provide some good resources for people in the community. I've also been making tons of plans for the weekend...pottery lab on the weekend, brunch with a friend, a resume-help session with another, dinner with another friend, and when am I getting caught up on Battlestar and Dollhouse and laundry?!

Maybe I need to make some pumpkin ice cream, or maybe ferment the pumpkin and make some kind of alcohol. Or a pumpkin facial cream? Hm...so many options for so much pumpkin!

a month in review

A month! It has been a month since I've blogged. Good grief.

Well, things have been busy in Jennieland: School started, I've been up to Shambhala Mountain Center twice now for 3 days each for work. I've made cheese and cheese and cheese. Mostly mozzarella, but some Quark, too. I've continued to plot and scheme for my big trip to Morocco, and feel pretty confident that Switzerland will also be part of the trip. I've watched a lot of Buffy. I've continued to knit on the scarf for my sister that STILL isn't done. And well, I've started knitting silly muppety legwarmers for me. I've also started pottery class and have made a bunch of blobs of clay turn into scooped out blobs that might actually be good for ashtrays or pencil holders or maybe even good for icecream.

Tomorrow I'm off once again to Shambhala Mountain Center for the last of my 3 day trips until late March. I'm looking forward to seeing the staff and the students. To having space and going hiking.

And hopefully, when I come back, I'll be blogging again a little more regularly.

The Reset Button

Welcome 2009. You are shiny and bright and new. A big arbitrary reset button has been pushed and it is time to stop, reflect on what has gone before, and plan for what is to come.

And so here I am, Jennie Hyatt, making some public statements about what I hope for myself for this new year, for this life.

1. I aspire to not just love myself, but to remember every day that I can access that self-love, even when it is hard.

2. I aspire to notice every day at least one thing that I am grateful for in my life.

3. I aspire to set boundaries and stick to them, and that includes having realistic expectations for myself about what I can and cannot do.

4. I aspire to learn new things and try out things that I never thought I would or could do (pottery, swing dancing, solo international travel).

5. I aspire to tell the people in my life that I love that I love them without any expectation that they'll say it back. It is true and real and saying the words out loud is important to me.

There are more things, there always are, but a list of 5 things seems good for now (see I'm already doing #3!).

For #2, I'm grateful for my health, that today I was well enough to leave my house and do a bunch of errands and then have friends over for an evening of lots of laughs and lots of seriousness and lots of cheese. I guess there's a lot to be grateful for today.

For #4, I'm signed up for a 9 week pottery class that starts mid-January, and I'm thinking about Swing Dance lessons. I'm in the beginning stages of planning a solo international trip to Morocco and some TBA city in Europe.

For #5 I'm going to say here a bunch of loves and will probably miss people (sorry):
I love you, Mom. I love you, Dad. I love you, Courtney. I love you, Lindsey. I love you, Zachary. I love you, Dolly. I love you, Robin. I love you, Jess. I love you, Ryan. I love you, John. I love you, Michael. I love you, Doug. I love you, Susie. I love you, Fern. I love you, Jeff. I love you, Jordan. I love you, Paul. I love you, Adam. I love you, Karen. I love you, Bryan. I think my list could get really long, so I'm going to stop here and know that there are a bunch of people, a lot of people that aren't on this list, and that the list isn't in any order or ranking, and that it is almost 4am and I'm getting loopy and starting to wonder about the wiseness of this, but here it is stream of consciousness and my heart is full and the year is going.

The Karma Garbage Truck

Well it seems I dropped off the blogosphere for quite a while there. The last weeks of school/work were Busy! And then the day before Winter Break started for me I got Sick. Big Sick. Sick with a scratchy throat and raging fever for days and days. I slept and slept and slept and slept and drank tea and juice and ate soup and jello and slept some more.

I am now back in the land of the living after feeling dead, or perhaps un-dead, for a week. I am ready to face what comes next. And what comes next seems to relate to taking out the trash.

According to the Kittymama, Pluto, god of the underworld, is driving the karma garbage truck. There's some sort of astrological fancypants event happening with Pluto, that chunk o' rock that is no longer a planet in the sky. Somehow this thing happening with Pluto is all about dumping out the stuff that is no longer serving us. So I've been working on visualizing this big trash day in the sky thinking about the stuff I want to get rid of, the stuff I don't want to keep in my life:

There are the material things that need to go like clothes I don't wear, piles of stuff for the Center for Hard to Recycle Materials, things in the fridge that are growing eyes and legs, and the Halloween decorations that are still hanging up in my apartment.

There are the things I do in my life that don't serve me, the beliefs and attitudes that I have that keep me from moving forward, the fear and doubt that creeps in, and those need to get chucked out in that karma dumpster. Goodbye to ya'll...don't need you anymore.

I cling to things, to material goods, to behaviors, and even to some dreams that just aren't useful. Letting go of those things will open up more space and who knows what can happen once the space is there. So goodbye and safe journey old karmic stuff, let's get ready for the new year to come.

Pre Travel Freakout: The Holiday version

Oh my, it is that time of year when my ten kinds of crazy come out to play. Oh yes, it is pre-travel freakout time! Crud. Every time I think I'm over this particular neurosis, it comes out dressed in a pink sparkly tutu and a zombie-like bite on my brain.

Pre-travel freakout, how I adore and despise you all at once as I attempt to laugh at myself. She deeply Sighs.

I had a big full day today. A day of working, of getting a haircut in the middle of my work day, a day of having an evening meeting at work and not getting home until nearly 9pm. And then starting laundry. And going through mail. And paying bills. And filing papers. And filling out my open enrollment benefits paperwork.

And having a giant meltdown and leaving a likely inappropriately tearful message on my ex-husband's voicemail because I can't remember the last digit of his social security number and I need it for this paperwork because in case I die or am accidentally dismembered I want some of my insurance benefit to be paid to him. (Mom, if you're reading this, you should be glad that you were next on my list and that after leaving message #1, I decided it would be better to wait to call you).

And then I kept going sorting through piles of papers that accumulated on the kitchen table. Having another meltdown because I couldn't find my other laundry basket (it was in the living room). And putting away laundry.

And realizing that I was in the middle of one great big ol' pre-travel freakout and I needed to stop. To eat. To drink tea. To write about my crazy. To take my multivitamins. To go to sleep.

Oh, pre-travel freakout. When I catch you I can see that you are a hairy ape in a ballerina outfit, zombiliy munching away on the bananasanity of my brain.

indulge

So one of the perks of being single and living alone is having a day like I did yesterday. I slept in until 8:30, I flipped the cheese that was pressing on the cheese press, I ate breakfast while watching (crappy) saturday morning cartoons, I took a detox bath while drinking tea, I did some picking up around the house, I knit, did some more cheese stuff, I drove out to Miss J's house to pick up her kitties, I ate, I snuggled with kitties, I started watching a bollywood movie and fell asleep on the couch before it ended and picked myself up and went to bed with more kitty snuggling.

Not a bad Saturday, really.

Today I woke up early with one kitty tapdancing on my head at 6:30 and the other tapdancing on my nightstand kicking off all the loose objects to get my attention at they thudded to the floor (my glasses, my cell phone, my watch). Ok, ok, I'm AWAKE! You kitties aren't starving...I know yesterday you broke into the food and had a little party before I caught you and I still fed you the regular amount just in case. Seriously.

I'm having a kitty sleepover because Miss J was at a wedding yesterday evening...I'm curious to hear how it went. After a very inward day yesterday, I'm really excited about doing stuff today, being active, maybe going on a hike if it warms up.

I am very excited because I'm in the midst of a cheddar experiment. Cheddar started on Friday night, continued yesterday, and will likely continue for a few more days. At this point my cheddars are air drying on a wooden board in The Room No Kitty Shall Enter. There are two cheddars because this recipe made WAY more cheese than can fit in my press. I tried really hard to shove it all in and eventually gave up. Big Cheddar is the batch that got pressed with as much curd as I could reasonably fit in the press. Little Cheddar got pressed in a colander under a gallon jug of water while Big was pressing. They have to dry 2-4 days until the surface is dry and a nice rind has developed. Then they'll get coated in cheese wax and set in the fridge to age until Thanksgiving when the make the trip to St. Louis with me. This cheddar is exciting, but I have to wait for SO LONG! I may have to make some other cheese today that I can eat now.

Well, it is 7:30, so time to eat breakfast!

A Day for Democracy

Election Day 2008. So much will likely be written about this day, but I'll give a snapshot of today from my little view as an Election Judge in once precinct in Colorado. Personally, this day could easily be on the short list as one of the proudest days of my life.

My alarm went off at 4am and I popped WIDE awake. So much excitement! I got to my precinct at 5:30am on the dot and immediately encountered my fellow precinct Election Judges and we scurried around like silly mice following our manuals and the marching orders of our precinct's Supply Judge (the supervising election official). I signed the official Election Judge Oath, I assembled portable privacy voting booths, I hung official signs, and then 15 minutes or so before the polls opened, I was assigned to my fist task: Poll Book Judge.

There ware 5 stations/election officials that voters needed to pass through:
1. Greeter (who ensured they were at the right precinct, weren't wearing any electioneering material, and ensured they had ID)
2. Sign-In (verifying that their ID was on the approved list of forms of ID and for photo IDs verified that their face matched their photo, and having them fill out a sign-in sheet)
3. Poll Book (verifying identity by having each voter state their name and date of birth, ensuring it matched the info in the poll book, having them sign the book, recording whether they were choosing a paper or electronic ballot, recording the ballot style from the poll-book onto the sign-in sheet, and if someone "spoiled" a ballot, recording that they were issued a second ballot)
4. Ballot (receiving a correct ballot style according to the type on the sign-in sheet)
5. Ballot Box (verifying their name on the sign-in sheet and casting their ballot in the ballot box)
If someone chose to vote electonically, steps 4 & 5 are combined with a visit to the Machine Judge

I started at the Poll Book judge station at 7am, and every 2 hours shifted down the line to the next station. There were 2 people alternating as Machine Judges (two people of separate party affiliations), and while I didn't work that station, I did get trained on it while also working in the Ballot Box position.

We didn't have lines, and there were periods of time when we had nobody actively voting because so many people voted early or chose to do mail-in ballots.

At 7pm the polls closed. We took down the signs and disassembled the portable privacy booths. We counted the sign-in sheets. We counted the packets of unopened ballots and the blank opened ballots. We got the official end-tape from the machine, and counted the spoiled paper ballots and the provisional ballots that were in their own special ballot collecting pouch. We knew how many paper ballots we started the day with. The Supply Judge had the official worksheet where we tracked all these numbers. And after everything else was counted and put away, we broke the seal on the ballot box and counted the ballots, each in their privacy envelope. Then we took the ballots out of the privacy envelopes and counted again. The numbers all matched. The total number of sign-in sheets matched the number of electronic plus completed paper ballots. The number of paper ballots we started with matched the completed ballots plus provisionals plus spoiled ballots. Everything matched. We signed the documents verifying the numbers were true and accurate. And I, ME! put the ballots in the special transfer case and witnessed the case being locked. The case was then transfered by two people of different party affiliation riding in one car to the county election office.

It was a long day, an exciting day, an inspiring day. A Day for Democracy.

Neurotic un-pre-travel freakout

I've written before about one of my long-standing neuroses, the pre-travel freakout. Well, I discovered this evening that the pre-travel freakout is not actually limited to pre-travel preparations. The pre-travel freakout usually involves frantically running errands that could easily be done post-travel. The pre-travel freakout usually also involves buying things that are, well, not always necessary.

The pre-travel freakout manifested itself in full force this evening. I'm not traveling anywhere, but tomorrow I'm going to be an election judge for Boulder County. I need to arrive at my precinct at 5:30am and I won't be able to leave the entire day. I'll likely get done on the early side at 9pm, but could be there as late as midnight. Today I ran all around after work running errands and buying snacks. I went to the bank, I went to the Indian Grocery and got movies and snacks, I went to Bed Bath Beyond and got a pepper grinder and a frying pan, I went to Safeway and bought a bunch more snacks...well, actually, a lot more than snacks: a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs, a box of cookies, a box of crackers, a box of cheddar bunnies, granola bars, 4 yogurts, 2 bottles of juice, frozen fish sticks, spaghetti, and a jar of mayo. I've hard-boiled eggs, made sandwiches, packed a bag with all the non-refrigerated stuff in a bag, packed all the refrigerated stuff in a cooler bag in the fridge, packed 2 water bottles, and next on my list is pulling together packets of tea and my knitting and some books in another bag. I still need to review my Election Judge training manual, find my calculator, and figure out what I'm wearing tomorrow. I expect my brain won't be functioning too well tomorrow morning at 4am, so I'm trying to take care of as much as I can tonight.

Oh, pre-travel freakout...you'll be one of the things that helps me get into heaven.

Rah-roo? Getting into heaven? Well, my friend Miss J has come up with a fun and faboo new game of asking people what uniquely identifies them. The question really is more like: when they're in line to get into Heaven, what are the things that are really special about YOU that will help the Heavenly TSA identify you since they don't take government issued IDs. (This is not exactly the way she's been phrasing the question, but my own way of asking for the same info).

I've figured out a few of the items that will help the ID checkers figure out they should let me in those pearly gates:
-I use my really good spacial awareness skills to most efficiently load dishwashers
-I love learning languages (French, Spanish, Greek, Hebrew, Hindi), and while I get good at them while I'm actively using them, they disappear out of my brain-hole when I don't use them
-cheese cheesy cheese cheese
-I really like to power-nap under laundry that is warm from the dryer
-my pre-travel freakout is such a cute habit ;)

So with that, I'm off to finish packing my 3rd bag (yes, it seems I have 3 bags to take with me tomorrow!). I'm excited for Tuesday, November 4, 2008...a Day for Democracy.

Halloween ReCap

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays, and has been for as far back as I can remember. I really love getting to play, really play on Halloween. This year I was a zombie. A creepy, flesh-decaying zombie. My friend Miss J was Forrest Gump, and I was zombie Jenny Gump ('cause she did die in the movie). In case you need theme music to go along with the images, sing the below to "Getting to Know You" from The King and I:

"Getting to know you...
While I'm a flesh eating monster.
Getting to like you...
Hoping you won't eat my brain!"

And we went to downtown and saw so many people dressed up and playing! How fun it is to have a night of everyone going out and being something else. This communal agreement that we all do this for one day. That it is totally acceptable to be dressed as...well, pretty much anything. And the weirdos are the ones that aren't in costume.

Halloween in the Republic of Boulder has its own unique features: drunk college students dressed as greek gods in togas that concealed half-drunk bottles of wine, a fair number of Sarah Palins, pregnant teen Palins, and people who are dressed as republicans (scary indeed). And, of course, Boulder's Naked Pumpkin Run (the runners have carved pumpkins on their heads, and that's it).

It is a bit of a sad statement of the times, though when taking things from people who were "reverse Trick or Treating" (handing out stuff) I got really skeptical about what I should put in my mouth. Were the oreo cookies from the giant cookie monster laced with poison and razor blades? Were the soy-based granola bars handed out by the kindly older gentleman filled with drugs and syringes? I wish my mind didn't go there, but it does. Scary, eh?

sleep and love

This has been a week of sleep-overs. A marathon of sleep-overs, in fact. On Monday night my friend Miss J called after work and asked if I wanted to come over to her place to watch a movie...I went over, watched movie, stayed up late talking, and slept on her couch.

Friday night I had a massage out near her house and went over after massage. Got Indian takeout, talked and talked and talked, and slept on her couch!

Saturday night was a pre-planned "superscary monster movie sleep-over party" at my place. A few friends, a super scary movies (Poltergeist) a not-so scary monster movie (Monsters, Inc.) a lot of cheese and sugary foods, and poofyfuffy kitties an intentional sleep-over.

Tonight I got to see my friends F&J and their baby. I love, Love, LOVE being Auntie Jennie. Oh, I really do. If I could find some way to get a lot of baby holding time in on a daily basis, I'd do it. Just being around the cutiepooh was so wonderful and joyous and fulfilling.


Friends and friends and friends and babies and kitties. My heart is full.

don't put me in a (gender) box

I went on a date yesterday. I went on a date with a man who has been persistent in asking me out over the last year and a half, and I kept saying "no". He seems quirky and funny and clever and geeky, all things that I'm drawn to, for sure. And he's older. Much older. 20 years older. And finally last week, I gave in, said to myself "what the heck", and replied to him "yes".

And I went on my first date in a very, very long time. And I went on my first motorcycle ride ever. I had a helmet, borrowed from a friend, and a borrowed leather jacket. And strangely, after the first half-block, no fear. I was very aware the entire time that being on a motorcycle is a very dangerous thing. It feels much more dangerous than riding in a car because there is nothing between me and the side of the road except some thin layers of cloth and plastic and leather. And I had a marvelous time being very aware of my little human life zipping around and looking at the mountains and the clouds and the trees.

We stopped in a little mountain town, had some food and got to talk some. He asked me lots of questions about me, and I discovered that I'm a very fascinating person. I really like me. I think I'm really cool. I do. I'm not being giant-ego girl about this, but I realized that I really love myself. A lot. I haven't had such clarity about that in a long time. Yay for me!

It was interesting to notice how much this guy was projecting his ideas of me all over me. He had so many assumptions about me without really knowing, lots of things he thought were true about me without ever really talking to me before to know if these things were true or not. At one point he started talking about how "feminine" I am, and I had to stop him, and the words that tumbled out were "I don't think of myself as feminine because I walk between worlds". Oh the things that pop out of my mouth sometimes...really.

Maybe I don't really walk between worlds, but I don't necessarily stick to traditional American gender roles, either. Sure I like to cook, and I knit, but for me those are some of the few art forms that I excel in--they don't necessarily have to be feminine things. I also like math and science and dirt and building things and dinosaurs--they don't necessarily have to be masculine things. I know how to dress the part of feminine, and sometimes I like it, and sometimes I don't. Just because I'm petite and I have curves and I'm "quiet and polite" doesn't mean that I can or should be put in a gender box.

And mr. motorcycle dude, well, he's fine. He's got his ideas about me, and I have mine. Overall I had a fun time; I tried something new; I learned more about me. Will there be another date with mr. motorcycle? I don't think so...I'd much rather spend out-of-the-box time with me.

so much gratitude

I've been avoiding my home computer for most of the week...not completely avoiding, but really trying not to spend hours and hours futzing around online. I've been really trying to find ways to find beauty and joy this week, and trying to do a lot of things that are good and nourishing for ME.

Last Saturday, I got to spend the day with a friend who I haven't seen for 13 years. 13 years! And it was so fun. We talked and talked and talked, and had a really awesome meal that included some lovely tea and rocking dessert (4 kinds of tea-flavored ice cream: green tea, chai, earl grey, and persian chocolate), and we walked around downtown and went into stores and laughed and laughed at some of the silly things we discovered.

I made cheese (Bondon and Mozzarella). I spent an evening helping to care for my friends' baby. I took a nap under warm, clean laundry. I spent a day fasting for Yom Kippur and really contemplating my views and values and thinking about atonement and forgiveness and really trying to be kind to myself. I spent an evening geeking out to Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I had a sleepover night with one of my friends before she departed for an out-of-town adventure. I've been caring for two superfluffy kitties all week. I've meditated and knit, and watched Bollywood movies. I've talked to my sisters and have emailed my little brother. I harvested the last of my "garden": a 2-inch eggplant and 4 cherry tomatoes! I took a bubble bath. And all this in my non-work time!

I've been really loving my work, too. I feel inspired and hopeful. I'm doing a lot of good and having a lot of fun. I'm planning and scheming new spreadsheet templates and wikis that will make lots of people's jobs easier.

What an awesome life I have!

Has there been crummy stuff this week? You bet. Stuff that has been painful, made me cry or get angry? Sure. And I'm not focusing on that stuff. I'm not letting it stick to me. I'm brushing myself off from each irritating or unpleasant thing and saying "ok, that sucked, but now it is over, and I learned from that and I'm moving on".

And next week, I know will be a full week and a tiring week. And I'm looking forward to the challenges and the easy stuff and seeing what comes next!

change in season

Today is the last day of Summer, and tomorrow Fall starts. This change of season is happening whether I'm ready for it, or not.

This week has been full, Full, FULL. Work has gotten really interesting and this week I officially said yes to become the one person who will be tracking the entire implementation of the strategic plan. Me. I'm taking on leadership roles, Big Responsibility, and it feels very comfortable. I know how to do this. I realize that I've been trying to suppress ambition for a long time now, years really, I had such a big ego blow in gradschool that I think I went into defense mode and stopped reaching. Well, not stopped entirely, but limited my reach, stopped dreaming BIG.

I'm dreaming Big again, and I'm taking on a lot of responsibility. I'm also trying to pay attention to not taking on too much, not overextending myself, making sure I'm taking care of me

The fact that all this is happening at this time of seasons change, at harvest time, at the time of year where we say, "look at how much we've grown, now it's time to feast" feels right. Things have ripened and it's time to eat!

a whole day off

Today, Sunday, September 14 is my first whole day off since....er...I actually had to go look at a calendar to get the answer...September 1. Yes, I haven't had a whole day off in 2 weeks. No WONDER I'm feeling all kablooey.

Last weekend M was in town and we worked all weekend at the house. The house that should have been sold this week. And wasn't. There were lots of projects that got accomplished in the last week including moving my washer & dryer to my apartment! YAY! Cleaning the house in preparation for whatever is next. Having the furnace "cleaned and serviced". Talking to lots of prospective tenants. Finding new tenants. Hacking at 4-6 foot tall weeds (somewhat satisfying, but not yet complete). And moving more stuff to my place. Sigh. There are still lots of things that need to be put away.

My apartment is discombobulated. There are boxes to be sorted through, there are things to put away, there are things to be thrown out...things and things and things. And today I finally got to put away some of the things. The big'n'tall filing cabinet that moved temporarily into my bedroom and out of the space for the washer and dryer is now in my spare room. Stuff that was piled in the spare room is back in order again. There are still boxes of stuff in my bedroom...so many boxes.

And in the middle of all this material STUFF in my life, I've had two weeks of emotional STUFF, too. Having M back in town for several days and spending time with him was really sweet. I know why we were together for 10 years. I know why I married him. I know I still have my stuff to figure out, and that is why I'm not in a relationship right now. One of the days he was here, we went to the ranch that has most of our herd and I got to see my kids (ok, my alpacas). And Angel had a new baby and she remembered me...I think. And I cried and cried seeing my babies. And I went to a memorial service for a friend's mother. And the ex-boyfriend and I are trying to be friends. And work has been mostly back-to-back 10 minute meetings with students in which I've laughed and been serious and cried and tried to be present with each person and what they've brought to the meetings.

And there's been interesting intellectual stuff in my life the last two weeks. I'm teaching myself Hindi and being very dedicated about spending time every day on this. I'm excited to have a new project, excited by how fast I seem to be picking up the written language (I can read a lot of words even if I don't understand the meaning yet). And och, I forget how learning something new also means getting tired and hungry...my brain is WORKING. And I've been offered a really interesting project at work...the President requested me for this. Me? Me! Wow...hard to say no. Still working out the details to see if it is even possible...will give more detail if this actually happens. And I'm taking on a new leadership role at my volunteer site (I'm on the Board of Directors for a local independent high school) where I am now (starting last week) the Chair of the Event Planning Committee. And yesterday at our all-day Board Retreat I volunteered to oversee the (re-)Accreditation process that is happening this year at the school.

In order to take on new stuff, there is stuff I have to let go. And I have to recharge. I have to have down-time to take care of me. So today is a whole day off. Wheee!

letdown and crazytown

Well, the people who were going to buy the house have cancelled the contract. It is a giant bummer, but there isn't anything I can do about it right now.

I'm heading up to Shambhala Mountain Center for my work retreat (a community-building retreat). I know I'll have a good time once I'm up there, but after the very long week I've had (as of Thursday night I've worked 38 hours this week so far) I'm not excited about working 10-12 hour days for the next 3 days. I know the work that I'll do from there is different since I'll be coordinating the retreat, but it also means living in a house with 8 other people, sharing 1 bathroom with them plus 4 others, and needing to be "on".

In other news, for the last week I've been teaching myself Hindi online using ispeakhindi.com I'm picking up some things, and last night I had a dream where I was even using hindi words when speaking with a waiter in a restaurant. It was a strange dream where I was hanging out with people that I've never seen in real life and we were going to take a road trip I think to St. Louis and in our road trip we weren't actually in a car, but were walking, and there was a place where the road turned to water and were were walking through the flowing water and weren't sure if it would stay only up to our ankles or if it would get deeper. And eventually the road turned back to road. And we stopped at a restaurant to eat, and it is a restaurant that I'm pretty sure I've visited in other dreams (again, not a real place). And the people I was traveling with had some love triangle drama going on. As we were looking at our menus, it was clear that there was some jealousy between people. Our waiter started singing in Hindi and I used my very little, and very poor Hindi to try to explain what was happening between people. It felt good that I had some words and frustrating that there were other words I don't yet have in my vocabulary. My alarm went off and I realized that I didn't do one of the sentences correctly. Ah well, it must be a good sign if I'm dreaming about using a language that I've only started dipping into.

A few months for Hindi, then perhaps it will be time for Arabic...maybe I'm preparing for a bigger trip than just Paris & Morocco?

Not my house

We received an offer on the house! It isn't a great offer, and we're countering, but hey, it is an offer.

So all you peeps...you better be putting out good house selling vibes. Picture the house sold. Picture me as a non-homeowner. I don't own a house in Longmont. I am selling a house.

And no jinxes!

This sucker is finding new folks to love on it and turn it into an organic vegetable farm! Yes, this house is gonna be somebody else's home.

good vibes. oh universe, we're ready to let it go!

school starts WHEN?!

EEK! The summer is ENDING. The summer is ending on SUNDAY! Well, ok, so MY summer is ending on Sunday. EEK!

It finally is sinking in that my summer is almost done. Orientation Week starts Monday. I will be crazybusy starting Monday. So me, I have started filling up this whole week with as many superfun things as possible. Tuesday night I had a Board meeting at the High School where I volunteer. After the meeting ended, I went to my friend's birthday picnic in the park. Tonight I had dinner and a multi-hour catchup session with a friend I haven't seen for 2 months. Tomorrow I will likely have a big talkie fun session with Miss J and/or have a little down time. Friday I'm seeing my friends Chris & Chelsea. Saturday I'm going to see my friend the Emperor of Dorkdom. And Sunday I'm going to go to bed early because it is a SCHOOL NIGHT! EEK! Wait! I am also supposed to find time to hang with Dol and with Jason and and and and...EEK!

And I come back to the quote in the dharma book I randomly pulled for my contemplation today:
"Now when the bardo of dying dawns upon me,
I will abandon all grasping, yearning, and attachment,
Enter undistracted into clear awareness of the teaching,
And eject my consciousness into the space of unborn
Awareness.
As I leave this compound body of flesh and blood
I will know it to be a transitory illusion."
-Padma Sambhava, in the Tibetan Book of the Dead

So as the summer, my summer's end draws near, I will attempt to abandon all grasping and yearning and attachment for all the things I planned to do and didn't , and hope to have a good, fresh start with Fall, and know that none of it is permanent, none of it is solid.

Foodie Heaven

on Friday night I had a conversation with the KittyMama about lots of things and conversation meandered (as conversations do) to versions of what heaven could be like. She described to me a version that she read about in a book that involved eating.

well, let me tell you, this weekend I've gone to visit foodie heaven. Foodie heaven is a place where I make cheese.

Yes indeedio, I made cheese! I started the cheese on Friday night: 1 gallon milk heated to 86degrees then taken off heat, add 1 packet mesophilic starter, add 1 teaspoon of diluted veg. rennet (2drops in 1/3 cup distilled water), cover let sit 12 hours. In the morning it looked and smelled like yogurt, just like my cheese book said it would! I then poured the curd into my butter muslin (better stuff than cheesecloth), created the most faboo contraption for hanging my cheese, and let it drip, drip, drip for about 8 hours. I then split it in half. One half got salted, the other half got salted and garlic-herbed (parsley, chives, 1 clove garlic, black pepper). The plain salted was nice, but the herb cheese was amazing. heaven. and did I mention I made cheese!

Foodie heaven is a place where I make French Potato Salad with Horseradish Mustard and Fines Herbes and Creamy Dill Cucumber Salad (recipes below).

Foodie heaven is a place where I plan to grill and when I go outside to clean the grill I discover wasps in my grill. Yes, wasps. Ok, so maybe this isn't so much heaven. Sigh. I did successfully knock down the smaller nest that was inside the grill lid, but couldn't get to the really big nest that was on the under-side of the grill. Unfortunately, I will have to use yucky chemicals to send those wasps to waspy heaven.

Foodie heaven is a place where my friends come over (and bring a wasp-free grill!), we stuff our faces with cheese, we grill our BYO-protein, we eat corn on the cob and green beans and potato salad. We forget that the cucumber salad is in the fridge(!) and we don't have room for dessert. Oh, grilled peaches over ice cream...you will be in my belly some day!

Foodie heaven is a place where we talk and talk and talk. We talk about politics and the upcoming primaries and local politicians and national politics and international politics. We talk about our days adventures (hiking a Thirteener! a 15-mile run! making cheese!). We talk about music and tell stories and laugh and laugh. Foodie heaven is a place where I catch myself just sitting back listening to the talk and beaming at how beautiful and perfect everything is. Foodie heaven is a place where we all sit on the ground on the patio after dinner and keep talking until our butts hurt from the concrete and we decide to move inside and watch a movie. And Foodie Heaven is the place where my belly and my heart are so full and so happy that I fall asleep on the couch surrounded by my friends before the movie ends.

And the recipes:
French Potato Salad with Horseradish Mustard and Fines Herbes (a recipe slightly adapted from Cooks Illustrated
2 pounds red skinned potatoes, unpeeled, scrubbed, cut into 1/4-inch thick slices
2 Tablespoons salt
1 medium clove garlic, peeled, threaded on a skewer
¼ cup olive oil
1-1/2 Tablespoons wine vinegar
2 teaspoons dijon mustard (I had no dijon on hand, so I used my Annie's Organic Horseradish Mustard)
½ teaspoon ground black pepper
1 Tablespoon minced fresh parsley
1 Tablespoon minced fresh chives
1 teaspoon minced fresh tarragon leaves (this could be omitted)

Directions:
1.Place potatoes, 6 cups cold water and salt in large cooking pot. Bring to boil over high heat, then reduce to medium.
2.Lower the skewered garlic into the simmering water and partially blanch (45seconds to a minute). Immediately run cold water over the garlic to stop cooking; remove garlic from skewer and set aside.
3.Continue to simmer potatoes, uncovered, until tender but still firm (thin-bladed paring knife can be slipped into and out of center of potato slice with no resistance), about 5 minutes.
4.Drain potatoes, reserving ¼ cup cooking water.
5.Arrange hot potatoes close together in a single layer on a rimmed baking sheet or in a baking pan. A cookie sheet with a rim or a pyrex 9x13 is good for this.
6.Press garlic through a garlic press or mince by hand. Whisk garlic, reserved potato cooking water, oil, vinegar, mustard and pepper in a small bowl until combined. Drizzle dressing over warm potatoes. Let stand 10 minutes. (At this point, the potato salad can be put in the fridge to hold for later. Bring the salad back to room temperature before next step.)
7.Toss herbs in small bowl. Transfer potatoes to large bowl, add herbs and mix gently. Serve immediately.

Creamy Dill Cucumber Salad
3 medium cucumbers (8 oz. each), peeled, halved lengthwise, and sliced ¼ inch thick
½ medium red onion, sliced very thin
1 cup sour cream
¼ cup minced fresh dill
3 tablespoons cider vinegar
1 teaspoon sugar
ground black pepper

1.Toss cucumbers & onions with 1 tablespoon salt in a strainer or colander set over a bowl; weight with water-filled 1-gallon zipper-lock bag, sealed tight.
2.Drain cucumbers at least 1 hour or up to 3 hours. They'll stop releasing liquid after 3 hours, so it won't hurt them to sit longer, but it won't add any more crunch.
3.Whisk sour cream, dill, vinegar, sugar, and pepper in a bowl. Add cucumbers and onions; toss to coat. Serve chilled, adjusting seasoning if necessary.